Among the happier and more grateful people in the world, are the cynics, with their own individual beliefs on how the world should run and the actual inherent nature of people. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and the only rightful course of action would be to adhere to what we believe in and remain unaffected by those around. Of course it would be nice to influence others around, and so that too must be tried.

I guess the point I'm trying to get here is that people are always intent on downplaying the happiness of others and the legitimate niceness of others. It probably all boils down to the unaccepting nature of people that if they themselves are convinced of their inability for greatness or change for the better than naturally everyone else is deluding themselves in thinking that they are in fact any better (such an age old adage). Deep down they admit it's true but they're unwilling to take the necessary steps to follow through with their aims and therefore are intent on keeping everyone on the same level as them.

Fundamentally this rests on the principle that changing one's own mistakes is always a good thing - this I find hard to provide a contradictory point of view because hey I believe its true.

Anyway it's about the rounding off of the year, and the perpetual new year's resolutions that everyone seems intent on making, and that everyone hopes to become a better person (sans some of course). Delightfully I fall under the former category and there're definitely things that I'd like to change, and not merely because it's the end of the year and 2014 is lurking (oh so scarily) around the corner.

I see myself as someone who adheres to a certain set of beliefs and guidelines, because I feel that they help to keep me in check in times of doubt, and they're a solid backing that I can fall on if ever necessary. I can't exactly remember when it was that I came up with all this, but probably some time last year. Anyway here they are:

1. #behappy (hashtagged like that because I started this principles thing on twitter)
2. Non-hypocritical
3. Non-extremist
4. Steadfast in beliefs (overlapping slightly with 2.)
5. Non-judgemental
6. #BGN (belief in the basic goodness of people, or the inherent desire to be a better person)
7. Never compromise on yourself (somewhat linked to 4.)

So I guess in some ways I've veered off whatever path I set for myself, and there're wrongs which I wish to right. I can't say that I'm particularly pleased with the way that I've dealt with things in the past (in retrospect), but partially because I want to feel like a better person and not necessarily that I am a better person. I'll save more of this for the new year.

But to mark a particular milestone I guess I've tried starting to be a better person this December, and I've written nice letters to people, and one very long one in particular (hopefully in time to come I still remember the reference).

SO. Christmas has come and gone, and the fervour of the holiday cheer has all about dissipated already (but I still have cards left to write omg). It's yet another reminder of how the excitement in things in life are all roughly 50% in anticipation of the event (likely more) and then 50% during the event itself (likely less). On that note I guess that's why we love surprises because without the anticipation the excitement and happiness is such an extreme rush that cannot be replicated in a regular setting.

My Christmas philosophy (if it can be called that) is as follows: it's a time of giving, and we give not based on what we can get in return but what we feel comfortable giving. It's also a time to spend with those you hold closest to your heart, and fully appreciate them for what they've done for you in your life, or at the very least in the past year. It's a time to fully embrace yourself as who you are, to uncover the flaws that are purposefully hidden so as not to betray our vulnerabilities and to change where necessary to become better people

In any case I think this year's Christmas season was pretty well spent, and I say season because all the fun of Christmas shouldn't be confined to the day itself. Thankfully though my Christmas events were clustered into the past week because the week before had been spent holidaying in Bali, and here's a quick summary of how it went (this is also one of the reasons why I blog, but I'll get around to this later): 23rd - Christmas party; 24th - Lunch and movie with the boys, quick trip around somerset with Wanhui, dinner with Dad; 25th - Christmas service with Wanhui, lunch with extended family, dinner and movie with bff (Nicole); 26th - Adventure at Ubin and general lepaking with Isaac and Ang.

The party was something that I'd been looking forward to for a long time, and also something that I'd been thinking of doing for a long time. I guess I planned it as a congregation of people that I hold very dear to my heart (mostly) and I wanted to take the time to gather everyone and spend quality time together. Another point is that for some reason I feel compelled to introduce my friends to one another and hope that they make friends with each other too (I look forward to the day I can pull something similar off with the guys - Zhou knows about this). So for that I'm glad that most of them mixed around well and in the end everyone was pretty comfortable with each other, save for the expected derping around at the start.

I guess I'll just rehash my closing remarks here: there's something to be said about parties for the inexplicable way in which they bring the best people in the world together (for me to be with them and for them to know each other). I took to appreciating everyone a lot more this year, for reasons I've mentioned at the party already, and that's why in everyone's card there was considerably more sentimental stuff that you all (my friends) have probably never heard me say before but stuff that's probably on my mind anyway. People deserve the appreciation and it isn't right to keep it bottled up inside.

To everyone who came, thanks for coming and I hope everyone had fun. It was a joy hosting everyone and it was a pleasure to give out cards and presents (giving gives such a good feeling inside). Special thanks goes to people who brought food, and especially Kuek for the 10kg turkey which pretty much singlehandedly filled everyone for dinner and left me with the rest of everything to slowly consume over the next few days (thankfully I was out a lot HAHA). The photos I took will be uploaded on the 31st as a review of December as a whole (the few events that I did go for and take photos at). At the end of it all I just hope (again) that everyone had lots of fun, and I was really glad that most of the people I wanted to see turned up. For those that didn't chances are you'll still be getting an invite next year so don't worry.

On that note about the invitations, unofficially I term my closest circle of friends "the list" (sometimes it's "elite circle" this year), and it's something I've been using to refer to people since sec 1 (just realised that I didn't send out a closing message last year, that's why last year's list is quite ambiguous). Over the years people are added to the list people drop out of the list (one came back in) and some stay throughout I count two so far). Including this year, that makes some 4 year people, others 3, some 2 and a few new ones. I started out with a list of 5, which grew to 6 and then expanded to 8(? okay this I'm not sure) and I think this year's will be around 12.

This is something I wrote all the way back in 2010:

"Well, coming to Christmas already, and in true holiday spirit, I mean my family's, we aren't doing anything special. Just a dinner outside. At least we're going to be spending it as a family, which is one of the few things I would like to do on Christmas. I kinda want to celebrate it with friends as well, but it's kind of a big task for just one person, to make all of this a reality."

Back then I said it was a big task for one person to make it a reality but this year it did happen. So thanks to everyone who did make it a reality because it certainly wasn't a one man job. The main point here though is that I did it. 

So then came the 24th, which was another thoroughly enjoyable day, and a day of off the cuff decisions and last-minute arrangements (which are sometimes the most fun ones). Being the holidays and Christmas and all I decided that I wasn't going to be perpetually late anymore (and not so much of a burden to other people) and then I arrived 5 minutes early - while everyone else came 30 minutes late (HAHA karma). Essentially it was a good day but 47 Ronin has got to be one of the worst movies ever if you are planning on watching it wash your mind of such a silly idea and catch something like Ilo Ilo or something.

Finally Christmas arrived, and I filled the day with plans to spend it as best I could. Those of you who visit regularly should have read what I wrote on Christmas day itself, and I guess the morning could've started out a lot better but all the same it presented me with much food for thought and healthy reflection for the day. In any case the day did get a lot better afterwards (even though a certain somebody was 1.5hours late ahem ahem).

Christmas service was enjoyable, and being in a community with everyone who was just so extremely glad to be there and celebrate together was great. I suppose regardless of each person's understanding of the event, be it the "true" (according to the pastor) or not, I think the world and Christians alike can take comfort in and be truly grateful for the happiness that it brings people and the goodness that it brings out of everyone. Pastors like all humans are flawed I guess, and I figured that while what he said was interesting, we cannot take their word for their own interpretation of the Bible and what true meaning there is to it (though they might be the closest we can get?). But all the same Bible verses don't change and some prayers don't either and those picked out were of insight.

Anyway in a nutshell, the whole experience was nice and rather enjoyable (save from feeling like a real fish out of water). Generally I'm disinclined to talk about religion so I'm just going to leave it as that, but many thanks to Wanhui for the invite and for bringing me around. Uh lunch (which at one point got really extremely weird but again I'm disinclined to share it here, though ask if you want) then the rest of the day with Nicole. Closed off the day with giving my present to mom and in complete surprised I got something in return - cute cuff-links in the shape of a canister of tennis balls and racquets.

26th was spent relaxing around Changi village and Ubin which was extremely enjoyable. Time spend with good company is always a great experience, and biking at Ubin and lepaking around was a fulfilling way to spend the holiday. We did cover a few interesting things a few of which I'd like to elaborate on later.

Anyway that just about sums up (rather briefly at parts) my Christmas experience over the past few days. 2013 is coming to a close and I'm glad the year has been fun.

Thanks again for reading the blog (Y)(okay idk how to address you properly and I don't even know whether you're a guy or girl actually [sorry] that would help haha) thanks for the response on the first Christmas post and Merry Christmas to you too, God bless (forgive me this is slightly late and a tad bit irrelevant). I do actively try to do the right thing whenever I can bring myself to, or at least I avoid doing bad things and abstain whenever I don't feel brave enough to do the right thing. In any case the day did get much better and events following Christmas were extremely fulfilling so on that note you were right and thanks for the encouragement. Again you can email me at footballbear@hotmail.com if you want (but it's really up to you) and I'd like to get to know you better.

Initially it seemed that the Google form that I put up was asking for a bit much because no one seemed to want to feedback on anything but recently I've gotten two - one I've addressed already and another that I will right now. I do agree that sustained relationships are not merely dependent on currency as the determining factor rather currency is a necessity when forming new relationships especially in groups of people where relationship dynamics are quick and volatile. In fresher environments, people cling to whoever is available and as long as you aren't there then you'll be cut out because you don't have those shared initial memories with others and after which it's incredibly hard to break in (plus it can come across as desperate).

I personally believe that the best friendships are those where you can go without talking for however long a period of time and resume like nothing's happened. This as you mentioned is "genuine connection" and is something I fully agree with. Friendship is based on compatibility and as long as two people are fit for each other time and interaction is no longer that much of a factor in the relationship.

Insecurity is also something that lurks insidiously in every relationship, and the misjudgement of people on either side can damage the relationship so in that respect communication is one of the singularly most important things in every friendship. Pragmatically yes friends are made to serve different purposes (the main underlying one of each relationship and friendship is, yes, our fundamental desire for interaction) but I'd rather see it as each friend has something different to offer and with each friend we have a different relationship, unlike the others, which makes them all unique and special. Undeniably some friends are more fun than others, some are more introspective, some are more intellectual and some are more kind/ caring (the list goes on) but with each friend we can expect something different, in a good way of course. To have friends that "serve different purposes" is phrased in such a cold manner that people are merely "used" rather than cultivating friendships based on mutual respect.

Sorry if you do feel insecure about our relationship but if you'd like you can tell me who you are and I can try to make things work better (believe me it's something that I want to change).

With reference to my style of writing (of which I believe hasn't changed considerably since my days back in sec 1), haha how perceptive of you. Pretentious perhaps but that's just how I write and well with regards to circumlocution, how very apt, I guess that's due to the fact that while I like and try to be an open book, I'm not yet ready to fully spill whatever secrets I have online to whoever may be stopping by and reading. I guess blogging is a form of a release for me and at the same time for others to understand who I really am. For my friends should they have any queries about the goings-on in my life or anything specific in my blog they need only ask and if we're close enough I'll tell them (generally it's people on the list that qualify). And thanks (not sure if you remember what you said but this was on guys my age who blog for self-renewal), I believe reflecting upon life is important as is the need to really delve into the fundamentals of situations to fully understand them and ourselves.

This is the quote you left me with, "Opening your heart and being courageous and telling people that you care about them or like them or that you think they're special only makes you a better, bigger, kinder, softer, more living person and it only attracts more love into your life" by Amy Poehler. Again thanks for this quote means something for me in my current personal search and aspirations for change. I said previously that I spent a lot more time appreciating people during Christmas and recently I attempted the first step at becoming a better person and drawing considerably more concrete lines in a relationship (something which turned out to be an excellent idea). So this is indeed some sort of encouragement and affirmation that I'm on the right track and I'm not wrong in pursuing this change.

You've provided me with lots to go on and so much more that I'd like to elaborate on but it's quite late now 3.44am, so till some other time when I can think better and elaborate more on what you had to say. In any case thanks again so very much for the response and I hope you're having an excellent holiday.

(Finally got around to updating the other sections of the blog so if you want you can go browse and see but then again there's nothing of much importance up there)

Among the happier and more grateful people in the world, are the cynics, with their own individual beliefs on how the world should run and the actual inherent nature of people. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and the only rightful course of action would be to adhere to what we believe in and remain unaffected by those around. Of course it would be nice to influence others around, and so that too must be tried.

I guess the point I'm trying to get here is that people are always intent on downplaying the happiness of others and the legitimate niceness of others. It probably all boils down to the unaccepting nature of people that if they themselves are convinced of their inability for greatness or change for the better than naturally everyone else is deluding themselves in thinking that they are in fact any better (such an age old adage). Deep down they admit it's true but they're unwilling to take the necessary steps to follow through with their aims and therefore are intent on keeping everyone on the same level as them.

Fundamentally this rests on the principle that changing one's own mistakes is always a good thing - this I find hard to provide a contradictory point of view because hey I believe its true.

Anyway it's about the rounding off of the year, and the perpetual new year's resolutions that everyone seems intent on making, and that everyone hopes to become a better person (sans some of course). Delightfully I fall under the former category and there're definitely things that I'd like to change, and not merely because it's the end of the year and 2014 is lurking (oh so scarily) around the corner.

I see myself as someone who adheres to a certain set of beliefs and guidelines, because I feel that they help to keep me in check in times of doubt, and they're a solid backing that I can fall on if ever necessary. I can't exactly remember when it was that I came up with all this, but probably some time last year. Anyway here they are:

1. #behappy (hashtagged like that because I started this principles thing on twitter)
2. Non-hypocritical
3. Non-extremist
4. Steadfast in beliefs (overlapping slightly with 2.)
5. Non-judgemental
6. #BGN (belief in the basic goodness of people, or the inherent desire to be a better person)
7. Never compromise on yourself (somewhat linked to 4.)

So I guess in some ways I've veered off whatever path I set for myself, and there're wrongs which I wish to right. I can't say that I'm particularly pleased with the way that I've dealt with things in the past (in retrospect), but partially because I want to feel like a better person and not necessarily that I am a better person. I'll save more of this for the new year.

But to mark a particular milestone I guess I've tried starting to be a better person this December, and I've written nice letters to people, and one very long one in particular (hopefully in time to come I still remember the reference).

SO. Christmas has come and gone, and the fervour of the holiday cheer has all about dissipated already (but I still have cards left to write omg). It's yet another reminder of how the excitement in things in life are all roughly 50% in anticipation of the event (likely more) and then 50% during the event itself (likely less). On that note I guess that's why we love surprises because without the anticipation the excitement and happiness is such an extreme rush that cannot be replicated in a regular setting.

My Christmas philosophy (if it can be called that) is as follows: it's a time of giving, and we give not based on what we can get in return but what we feel comfortable giving. It's also a time to spend with those you hold closest to your heart, and fully appreciate them for what they've done for you in your life, or at the very least in the past year. It's a time to fully embrace yourself as who you are, to uncover the flaws that are purposefully hidden so as not to betray our vulnerabilities and to change where necessary to become better people

In any case I think this year's Christmas season was pretty well spent, and I say season because all the fun of Christmas shouldn't be confined to the day itself. Thankfully though my Christmas events were clustered into the past week because the week before had been spent holidaying in Bali, and here's a quick summary of how it went (this is also one of the reasons why I blog, but I'll get around to this later): 23rd - Christmas party; 24th - Lunch and movie with the boys, quick trip around somerset with Wanhui, dinner with Dad; 25th - Christmas service with Wanhui, lunch with extended family, dinner and movie with bff (Nicole); 26th - Adventure at Ubin and general lepaking with Isaac and Ang.

The party was something that I'd been looking forward to for a long time, and also something that I'd been thinking of doing for a long time. I guess I planned it as a congregation of people that I hold very dear to my heart (mostly) and I wanted to take the time to gather everyone and spend quality time together. Another point is that for some reason I feel compelled to introduce my friends to one another and hope that they make friends with each other too (I look forward to the day I can pull something similar off with the guys - Zhou knows about this). So for that I'm glad that most of them mixed around well and in the end everyone was pretty comfortable with each other, save for the expected derping around at the start.

I guess I'll just rehash my closing remarks here: there's something to be said about parties for the inexplicable way in which they bring the best people in the world together (for me to be with them and for them to know each other). I took to appreciating everyone a lot more this year, for reasons I've mentioned at the party already, and that's why in everyone's card there was considerably more sentimental stuff that you all (my friends) have probably never heard me say before but stuff that's probably on my mind anyway. People deserve the appreciation and it isn't right to keep it bottled up inside.

To everyone who came, thanks for coming and I hope everyone had fun. It was a joy hosting everyone and it was a pleasure to give out cards and presents (giving gives such a good feeling inside). Special thanks goes to people who brought food, and especially Kuek for the 10kg turkey which pretty much singlehandedly filled everyone for dinner and left me with the rest of everything to slowly consume over the next few days (thankfully I was out a lot HAHA). The photos I took will be uploaded on the 31st as a review of December as a whole (the few events that I did go for and take photos at). At the end of it all I just hope (again) that everyone had lots of fun, and I was really glad that most of the people I wanted to see turned up. For those that didn't chances are you'll still be getting an invite next year so don't worry.

On that note about the invitations, unofficially I term my closest circle of friends "the list" (sometimes it's "elite circle" this year), and it's something I've been using to refer to people since sec 1 (just realised that I didn't send out a closing message last year, that's why last year's list is quite ambiguous). Over the years people are added to the list people drop out of the list (one came back in) and some stay throughout I count two so far). Including this year, that makes some 4 year people, others 3, some 2 and a few new ones. I started out with a list of 5, which grew to 6 and then expanded to 8(? okay this I'm not sure) and I think this year's will be around 12.

This is something I wrote all the way back in 2010:

"Well, coming to Christmas already, and in true holiday spirit, I mean my family's, we aren't doing anything special. Just a dinner outside. At least we're going to be spending it as a family, which is one of the few things I would like to do on Christmas. I kinda want to celebrate it with friends as well, but it's kind of a big task for just one person, to make all of this a reality."

Back then I said it was a big task for one person to make it a reality but this year it did happen. So thanks to everyone who did make it a reality because it certainly wasn't a one man job. The main point here though is that I did it. 

So then came the 24th, which was another thoroughly enjoyable day, and a day of off the cuff decisions and last-minute arrangements (which are sometimes the most fun ones). Being the holidays and Christmas and all I decided that I wasn't going to be perpetually late anymore (and not so much of a burden to other people) and then I arrived 5 minutes early - while everyone else came 30 minutes late (HAHA karma). Essentially it was a good day but 47 Ronin has got to be one of the worst movies ever if you are planning on watching it wash your mind of such a silly idea and catch something like Ilo Ilo or something.

Finally Christmas arrived, and I filled the day with plans to spend it as best I could. Those of you who visit regularly should have read what I wrote on Christmas day itself, and I guess the morning could've started out a lot better but all the same it presented me with much food for thought and healthy reflection for the day. In any case the day did get a lot better afterwards (even though a certain somebody was 1.5hours late ahem ahem).

Christmas service was enjoyable, and being in a community with everyone who was just so extremely glad to be there and celebrate together was great. I suppose regardless of each person's understanding of the event, be it the "true" (according to the pastor) or not, I think the world and Christians alike can take comfort in and be truly grateful for the happiness that it brings people and the goodness that it brings out of everyone. Pastors like all humans are flawed I guess, and I figured that while what he said was interesting, we cannot take their word for their own interpretation of the Bible and what true meaning there is to it (though they might be the closest we can get?). But all the same Bible verses don't change and some prayers don't either and those picked out were of insight.

Anyway in a nutshell, the whole experience was nice and rather enjoyable (save from feeling like a real fish out of water). Generally I'm disinclined to talk about religion so I'm just going to leave it as that, but many thanks to Wanhui for the invite and for bringing me around. Uh lunch (which at one point got really extremely weird but again I'm disinclined to share it here, though ask if you want) then the rest of the day with Nicole. Closed off the day with giving my present to mom and in complete surprised I got something in return - cute cuff-links in the shape of a canister of tennis balls and racquets.

26th was spent relaxing around Changi village and Ubin which was extremely enjoyable. Time spend with good company is always a great experience, and biking at Ubin and lepaking around was a fulfilling way to spend the holiday. We did cover a few interesting things a few of which I'd like to elaborate on later.

Anyway that just about sums up (rather briefly at parts) my Christmas experience over the past few days. 2013 is coming to a close and I'm glad the year has been fun.

Thanks again for reading the blog (Y)(okay idk how to address you properly and I don't even know whether you're a guy or girl actually [sorry] that would help haha) thanks for the response on the first Christmas post and Merry Christmas to you too, God bless (forgive me this is slightly late and a tad bit irrelevant). I do actively try to do the right thing whenever I can bring myself to, or at least I avoid doing bad things and abstain whenever I don't feel brave enough to do the right thing. In any case the day did get much better and events following Christmas were extremely fulfilling so on that note you were right and thanks for the encouragement. Again you can email me at footballbear@hotmail.com if you want (but it's really up to you) and I'd like to get to know you better.

Initially it seemed that the Google form that I put up was asking for a bit much because no one seemed to want to feedback on anything but recently I've gotten two - one I've addressed already and another that I will right now. I do agree that sustained relationships are not merely dependent on currency as the determining factor rather currency is a necessity when forming new relationships especially in groups of people where relationship dynamics are quick and volatile. In fresher environments, people cling to whoever is available and as long as you aren't there then you'll be cut out because you don't have those shared initial memories with others and after which it's incredibly hard to break in (plus it can come across as desperate).

I personally believe that the best friendships are those where you can go without talking for however long a period of time and resume like nothing's happened. This as you mentioned is "genuine connection" and is something I fully agree with. Friendship is based on compatibility and as long as two people are fit for each other time and interaction is no longer that much of a factor in the relationship.

Insecurity is also something that lurks insidiously in every relationship, and the misjudgement of people on either side can damage the relationship so in that respect communication is one of the singularly most important things in every friendship. Pragmatically yes friends are made to serve different purposes (the main underlying one of each relationship and friendship is, yes, our fundamental desire for interaction) but I'd rather see it as each friend has something different to offer and with each friend we have a different relationship, unlike the others, which makes them all unique and special. Undeniably some friends are more fun than others, some are more introspective, some are more intellectual and some are more kind/ caring (the list goes on) but with each friend we can expect something different, in a good way of course. To have friends that "serve different purposes" is phrased in such a cold manner that people are merely "used" rather than cultivating friendships based on mutual respect.

Sorry if you do feel insecure about our relationship but if you'd like you can tell me who you are and I can try to make things work better (believe me it's something that I want to change).

With reference to my style of writing (of which I believe hasn't changed considerably since my days back in sec 1), haha how perceptive of you. Pretentious perhaps but that's just how I write and well with regards to circumlocution, how very apt, I guess that's due to the fact that while I like and try to be an open book, I'm not yet ready to fully spill whatever secrets I have online to whoever may be stopping by and reading. I guess blogging is a form of a release for me and at the same time for others to understand who I really am. For my friends should they have any queries about the goings-on in my life or anything specific in my blog they need only ask and if we're close enough I'll tell them (generally it's people on the list that qualify). And thanks (not sure if you remember what you said but this was on guys my age who blog for self-renewal), I believe reflecting upon life is important as is the need to really delve into the fundamentals of situations to fully understand them and ourselves.

This is the quote you left me with, "Opening your heart and being courageous and telling people that you care about them or like them or that you think they're special only makes you a better, bigger, kinder, softer, more living person and it only attracts more love into your life" by Amy Poehler. Again thanks for this quote means something for me in my current personal search and aspirations for change. I said previously that I spent a lot more time appreciating people during Christmas and recently I attempted the first step at becoming a better person and drawing considerably more concrete lines in a relationship (something which turned out to be an excellent idea). So this is indeed some sort of encouragement and affirmation that I'm on the right track and I'm not wrong in pursuing this change.

You've provided me with lots to go on and so much more that I'd like to elaborate on but it's quite late now 3.44am, so till some other time when I can think better and elaborate more on what you had to say. In any case thanks again so very much for the response and I hope you're having an excellent holiday.

(Finally got around to updating the other sections of the blog so if you want you can go browse and see but then again there's nothing of much importance up there)

Kay Han
21
I like writing, though I can't say that I'm terribly good at it


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