Hwa Chong hadn't actually been the clear cut choice for me back in Primary 6, rather I was torn between ACS(I) and here, for reasons of the IB or A's (plus Kay Howe was in ACS already). In the end after visiting the schools and going for DSAs I came to the conclusion that the Hwach culture seemed like something I'd enjoy more readily than ACS, plus there's something comforting about the nostalgic vibe of the old school compound. Though such a decision could just have easily been assisted by the fact that Kay Howe was in ACS and also only getting a confirmed offer from Hwach (though waiting lists for other schools are technically as good as confirmed but well...). In any case PSLE came and went, the results while not spectacular didn't matter so much and getting into Hwach was yet another life changing moment (and decision) that I'll never regret. 

Sec 1 was a breeze I suppose, as everyone said it would be and I must say not much effort did go into anything at all (which was probably why I finished off with 2.67). Spent the year trying to find myself in a sense, back then I don't recall having many close friends (but then you don't actually need too many of them), I got emotional over a few classroom tussles, tried hard to connect with someone (oh the age of innocent communication), had a ridiculous guffaw with bffl friendship, but in the end I got through and managed to form a list. The list contained 5 people back then, 3 of which are now in my clique, 1 I lost contact with and another well that friendship remains to be seen (and redeveloped).

Sec 2 was a much harder experience, with the whole year being one gigantic journey and attempt at playing catch-up. Still it served as a reminder that anything is possible with enough effort, and luck (of course). I completely floundered during the first term, which was probably why my application to the MUN team back then was unceremoniously rejected (and probably laughed at come to think of it - which is why kids a 4.17 MSG is not going to get you anywhere and so grades are always important as tickets to your next destination in life). In the end I managed to pull through though which managed to get me into HP something which shaped me into who I am today. Did actually break Hwach's 20-or-so barren streak in tennis with a 4th in nationals. Anyhow amidst meeting Ms. Choh (for a delicate earful), lauded for the previous year's infocomm performance, losing friends, making a few and growing closer to others, a pretty horrific 4 weeks in China (but life is what you choose to make of it), a memorable run in council and experiencing for the first time ever a kind of [self-perceived and ultimately illusory] bliss, I got through and managed to form a list. The list contained 7 people, 2 carried over from the previous year, 1 who should've been there from the very start, 1 more who's now in my clique and 3 more who no longer feature in my life. 

Sec 3 was when the going got tougher - an increased workload, higher expectations and more things to juggle. I tried harder to do better, and I did a reasonably well job of coping and tiding myself over to the next challenge and hurdle. I'd say it was the year that I fully underwent a change in terms of social dynamism and interaction. I went for more things, talked to more people and developed a sense of confidence which is undeniably the backbone of a fulfilling journey in anything. There were a lot more opportunities offered, and I took some (some on the advice of friends), all which eventually resulted in the further enrichment of my life as a whole. On the journey of maturity, it was the shared experiences that bonded me to several new people and much more so to existing people in my life - here I made a handful of closer friends. I guess the two biggest opportunities were HRSY (made friends with a tard there among other people) and MUNs which widened my circle of friends. At the end of it all I managed to form a list (but forgot to send out a year end message), this time 8 people - 2 from the original list, 1 carried over from the previous list (that was supposed to be there from the start), 2 new additions to the current clique, 1 from SLC, another from UNASMUN and one as a pseudo-pillar of guidance.

Sec 4 was one of the best years of my life and for many reasons. Getting into HSC was one, getting conferred an exco role was another (after I passed on the opportunity back in sec 2). Again, just being in 4H1 was a wonderful blessing in itself. Had my first experience as an OS of CSM (3 years of dedication in what culminated in a not-perfect event but valuable experience). Finished 4 years of tennis in high school, though sadly we weren't able to bring back any glory this year. Went for RMUN, met one of the best people there but sadly didn't perform up to par (by their standards). Can't really remember much now but well the year culminated in a 2.00 (Chinese burden) and my entry into HP which is pretty much all that I could've asked for. One of the best decisions that I made this year was forming a clearly defined group of friends that I could dedicate my time to. The year rounded off with PrepMUN which left me with many valuable takeaways and this December was probably one of the most cathartic holidays ever. 

So about this year, I guess I've made my fair share of mistakes and towards the end several steps to rectify them. I suppose I've succeeded in the sense that I've made it through (always important to celebrate all forms of success be they big or small), and along the process despite losing a few friends, possibly confusing and pissing off a few people, gotten to know some others much better and formed closer ties with them. 

I realise now that I've really tried to fully understand one of the main issues with my of making friends, something that I've shared with some and gotten chided for by others (oops hahahaha. okay it's not that much of a laughing matter). But at the same time there're other dilemmas that I have with regards to other aspects of of how I work and play. The two main things that I'd like to deal with are the emotionally open and open about conversations one - both of which are particularly important but things that I can rationalise all the same. 

I guess the first lies in my fundamental belief that friendship is based on reciprocity, understanding and trust. I share so others will be more inclined to share, I want others to accept me for who I truly am and I'd like to be able to place my trust in others, telling them at the same time that they can place their trust in me. With regards to the second point I guess it's because long ago it was something that bothered me, and I judged friendship by how close people were and if "that" was something that was okay with both parties it meant a lot to me (sorry this is so ambiguous). Right now I guess I'm really still clinging onto that past self and belief, and I realise that this might not be much of a defence but there's something else I seem to have forgotten at the moment. Also I try, to as far an extent as possible to let my friends know the goings-on in my life and who I am as a person because that makes me feel comfortable (unless it's something I'm uncomfortable with and yes this is ambiguous too). 

At the same time though I've given thought to how friends should be eased into the friendship rather than be instantly exposed to who you fully are which then will allow the friendship to grow much better and gives it a better chance to develop and last. But this is an incomplete thought.

I will come back to this. 

Uh this is something I've seen floating around on the internet over the past couple of days - people making these happy jars (or tins or whatever) where over the course of the year they put notes into jars with happy moments written onto them. This is vaguely reminiscent of my failed attempt at a happiness project back in sec 2 but well I hope to actually carry this out next year.

Anyway so there're a few maxims that I'd like to live my life by next year, and a few (as far as I can remember) are as follows:

"If you want something don't tell yourself you can't get it" similarly "If you're interested - make the effort"

There're a few things to take note of I guess and the most important of all is telling yourself that if there ever is something that you want don't tell yourself you can't get it. Also you can't keep on letting things slip by you in hopes and wishes that whatever comes your way next will be better. 

"Time spent apart is equally important as time spent together" along with "Thing about quick feelings is as quick as they come they disappear just as easily"

This is in reference to a lot of things, because well too much of a good thing is bad, just how repeating something too often makes it lose its meaning (though the truth never loses its meaning but for sentimental reasons it won't still feel the same). To take things slowly is life's greatest test, because how much effort you can put into self-control and try your best to make things work will determine the quality of things you do in life. Also it's a reminder not to jump into things and to fully get a sense of your surroundings and what you're planning to commit to before you actually do it. 

"Be the better person"

It says "the" instead of "a" because inherently we all are supposed to be gunning towards being better people, but in a group of others we should never let them compromise what we believe. The beliefs of others should never supercede your own (unless of course yours are wrong and theirs aren't) and in a circle of immoral people always aim to be the one to set others on the right path or correct them. At the same time always love and accept others with an open heart, free of judgement because there's more to people than what they might show and there're really many reasons to love them as friends and as people in general. 

"Take opportunities as they come and always be confident"

Sometimes in life we're presented with things that we want, but we convince ourselves that we won't be able to make it not because we actually can't do it but more because we're afraid to initiate the steps to getting there because we're not confident enough, or too embarrassed to do so. We put the dampers on our happiness all by ourselves and because of this we are never able to remove them without first accepting that we are the problem and it's something we have to change. Plus (on a side note) the key to making friends is confidence (a good sense of humor will follow).

Okay so well I guess it'll be fitting to round of the year with a hopeful thought (or two). Next year will probably be the most hectic ever, be filled with more politics and disputes than ever before, stress me out in every possible way and really test my limits and boundaries but at the end of it all I'm sure I'll be a much better person (if I don't die). Looking forward to a fulfilling year in JC where I'm sure I'll have lots of fun and hopefully cope well with everything else. 

As to how I currently feel, post-PrepMUN, post-wandering around Orchard, post-Christmas, post-extremely late nights, post-lepaking at parks, I'm filled with a kind of excitement that has eluded me in a long time. It's something that I want to work and that I'm trying to take steps towards making that a reality. For the first time ever the cards are face up on the table and what happens next is a joint venture of mutual cooperation. I've always said (or thought if I don't say it often enough) that communication is one of the most important things in a relationship and so it is. With a new series of events around the corner, a seemingly unpredictable future lies ahead of us but I suppose when navigated well will be an experience to truly remember. So yes with that I look forward to next year with bright optimism in heart (and silly photos in mind). 

Hwa Chong hadn't actually been the clear cut choice for me back in Primary 6, rather I was torn between ACS(I) and here, for reasons of the IB or A's (plus Kay Howe was in ACS already). In the end after visiting the schools and going for DSAs I came to the conclusion that the Hwach culture seemed like something I'd enjoy more readily than ACS, plus there's something comforting about the nostalgic vibe of the old school compound. Though such a decision could just have easily been assisted by the fact that Kay Howe was in ACS and also only getting a confirmed offer from Hwach (though waiting lists for other schools are technically as good as confirmed but well...). In any case PSLE came and went, the results while not spectacular didn't matter so much and getting into Hwach was yet another life changing moment (and decision) that I'll never regret. 

Sec 1 was a breeze I suppose, as everyone said it would be and I must say not much effort did go into anything at all (which was probably why I finished off with 2.67). Spent the year trying to find myself in a sense, back then I don't recall having many close friends (but then you don't actually need too many of them), I got emotional over a few classroom tussles, tried hard to connect with someone (oh the age of innocent communication), had a ridiculous guffaw with bffl friendship, but in the end I got through and managed to form a list. The list contained 5 people back then, 3 of which are now in my clique, 1 I lost contact with and another well that friendship remains to be seen (and redeveloped).

Sec 2 was a much harder experience, with the whole year being one gigantic journey and attempt at playing catch-up. Still it served as a reminder that anything is possible with enough effort, and luck (of course). I completely floundered during the first term, which was probably why my application to the MUN team back then was unceremoniously rejected (and probably laughed at come to think of it - which is why kids a 4.17 MSG is not going to get you anywhere and so grades are always important as tickets to your next destination in life). In the end I managed to pull through though which managed to get me into HP something which shaped me into who I am today. Did actually break Hwach's 20-or-so barren streak in tennis with a 4th in nationals. Anyhow amidst meeting Ms. Choh (for a delicate earful), lauded for the previous year's infocomm performance, losing friends, making a few and growing closer to others, a pretty horrific 4 weeks in China (but life is what you choose to make of it), a memorable run in council and experiencing for the first time ever a kind of [self-perceived and ultimately illusory] bliss, I got through and managed to form a list. The list contained 7 people, 2 carried over from the previous year, 1 who should've been there from the very start, 1 more who's now in my clique and 3 more who no longer feature in my life. 

Sec 3 was when the going got tougher - an increased workload, higher expectations and more things to juggle. I tried harder to do better, and I did a reasonably well job of coping and tiding myself over to the next challenge and hurdle. I'd say it was the year that I fully underwent a change in terms of social dynamism and interaction. I went for more things, talked to more people and developed a sense of confidence which is undeniably the backbone of a fulfilling journey in anything. There were a lot more opportunities offered, and I took some (some on the advice of friends), all which eventually resulted in the further enrichment of my life as a whole. On the journey of maturity, it was the shared experiences that bonded me to several new people and much more so to existing people in my life - here I made a handful of closer friends. I guess the two biggest opportunities were HRSY (made friends with a tard there among other people) and MUNs which widened my circle of friends. At the end of it all I managed to form a list (but forgot to send out a year end message), this time 8 people - 2 from the original list, 1 carried over from the previous list (that was supposed to be there from the start), 2 new additions to the current clique, 1 from SLC, another from UNASMUN and one as a pseudo-pillar of guidance.

Sec 4 was one of the best years of my life and for many reasons. Getting into HSC was one, getting conferred an exco role was another (after I passed on the opportunity back in sec 2). Again, just being in 4H1 was a wonderful blessing in itself. Had my first experience as an OS of CSM (3 years of dedication in what culminated in a not-perfect event but valuable experience). Finished 4 years of tennis in high school, though sadly we weren't able to bring back any glory this year. Went for RMUN, met one of the best people there but sadly didn't perform up to par (by their standards). Can't really remember much now but well the year culminated in a 2.00 (Chinese burden) and my entry into HP which is pretty much all that I could've asked for. One of the best decisions that I made this year was forming a clearly defined group of friends that I could dedicate my time to. The year rounded off with PrepMUN which left me with many valuable takeaways and this December was probably one of the most cathartic holidays ever. 

So about this year, I guess I've made my fair share of mistakes and towards the end several steps to rectify them. I suppose I've succeeded in the sense that I've made it through (always important to celebrate all forms of success be they big or small), and along the process despite losing a few friends, possibly confusing and pissing off a few people, gotten to know some others much better and formed closer ties with them. 

I realise now that I've really tried to fully understand one of the main issues with my of making friends, something that I've shared with some and gotten chided for by others (oops hahahaha. okay it's not that much of a laughing matter). But at the same time there're other dilemmas that I have with regards to other aspects of of how I work and play. The two main things that I'd like to deal with are the emotionally open and open about conversations one - both of which are particularly important but things that I can rationalise all the same. 

I guess the first lies in my fundamental belief that friendship is based on reciprocity, understanding and trust. I share so others will be more inclined to share, I want others to accept me for who I truly am and I'd like to be able to place my trust in others, telling them at the same time that they can place their trust in me. With regards to the second point I guess it's because long ago it was something that bothered me, and I judged friendship by how close people were and if "that" was something that was okay with both parties it meant a lot to me (sorry this is so ambiguous). Right now I guess I'm really still clinging onto that past self and belief, and I realise that this might not be much of a defence but there's something else I seem to have forgotten at the moment. Also I try, to as far an extent as possible to let my friends know the goings-on in my life and who I am as a person because that makes me feel comfortable (unless it's something I'm uncomfortable with and yes this is ambiguous too). 

At the same time though I've given thought to how friends should be eased into the friendship rather than be instantly exposed to who you fully are which then will allow the friendship to grow much better and gives it a better chance to develop and last. But this is an incomplete thought.

I will come back to this. 

Uh this is something I've seen floating around on the internet over the past couple of days - people making these happy jars (or tins or whatever) where over the course of the year they put notes into jars with happy moments written onto them. This is vaguely reminiscent of my failed attempt at a happiness project back in sec 2 but well I hope to actually carry this out next year.

Anyway so there're a few maxims that I'd like to live my life by next year, and a few (as far as I can remember) are as follows:

"If you want something don't tell yourself you can't get it" similarly "If you're interested - make the effort"

There're a few things to take note of I guess and the most important of all is telling yourself that if there ever is something that you want don't tell yourself you can't get it. Also you can't keep on letting things slip by you in hopes and wishes that whatever comes your way next will be better. 

"Time spent apart is equally important as time spent together" along with "Thing about quick feelings is as quick as they come they disappear just as easily"

This is in reference to a lot of things, because well too much of a good thing is bad, just how repeating something too often makes it lose its meaning (though the truth never loses its meaning but for sentimental reasons it won't still feel the same). To take things slowly is life's greatest test, because how much effort you can put into self-control and try your best to make things work will determine the quality of things you do in life. Also it's a reminder not to jump into things and to fully get a sense of your surroundings and what you're planning to commit to before you actually do it. 

"Be the better person"

It says "the" instead of "a" because inherently we all are supposed to be gunning towards being better people, but in a group of others we should never let them compromise what we believe. The beliefs of others should never supercede your own (unless of course yours are wrong and theirs aren't) and in a circle of immoral people always aim to be the one to set others on the right path or correct them. At the same time always love and accept others with an open heart, free of judgement because there's more to people than what they might show and there're really many reasons to love them as friends and as people in general. 

"Take opportunities as they come and always be confident"

Sometimes in life we're presented with things that we want, but we convince ourselves that we won't be able to make it not because we actually can't do it but more because we're afraid to initiate the steps to getting there because we're not confident enough, or too embarrassed to do so. We put the dampers on our happiness all by ourselves and because of this we are never able to remove them without first accepting that we are the problem and it's something we have to change. Plus (on a side note) the key to making friends is confidence (a good sense of humor will follow).

Okay so well I guess it'll be fitting to round of the year with a hopeful thought (or two). Next year will probably be the most hectic ever, be filled with more politics and disputes than ever before, stress me out in every possible way and really test my limits and boundaries but at the end of it all I'm sure I'll be a much better person (if I don't die). Looking forward to a fulfilling year in JC where I'm sure I'll have lots of fun and hopefully cope well with everything else. 

As to how I currently feel, post-PrepMUN, post-wandering around Orchard, post-Christmas, post-extremely late nights, post-lepaking at parks, I'm filled with a kind of excitement that has eluded me in a long time. It's something that I want to work and that I'm trying to take steps towards making that a reality. For the first time ever the cards are face up on the table and what happens next is a joint venture of mutual cooperation. I've always said (or thought if I don't say it often enough) that communication is one of the most important things in a relationship and so it is. With a new series of events around the corner, a seemingly unpredictable future lies ahead of us but I suppose when navigated well will be an experience to truly remember. So yes with that I look forward to next year with bright optimism in heart (and silly photos in mind).