Phuket Thoughts
Friday, June 13, 2014
My thoughts are strewn across the floor like a splatter pattern from the death of several emotions I have ceased to use and feel. But that's not entirely true because I don't suppose we ever stop feeling and if blissful perfection should ever cease to exist everything will crash back, not gradually but like a giant tidal wave. In any case now isn't the time or place for melancholy, and it shall be shelved away till a time when it is needed.
Do you ever feel like honesty isn't always the best policy? Though before that as a person that struggles with issues of insecurity (as do we all) I think one of the best things in the world is to wholeheartedly trust and be honest with others, or at least one person (and that person would be enough). To be willing and able to share absolutely everything, leave no secret kept, questions unanswered, or story untold. That is one of the peaks of perfection. Anyway, do you ever feel that sometimes we cling onto the notion that honesty is the best policy when in fact it is insidiously ruining or relationships, but on the flip side of this veneer of truth is a happy utopia.
I thought about this in a moment of seemingly brilliant deduction with regards to the dynamics of human interaction but on second thought the world doesn't have to be so nihilistic (or cynical), and with the people we're comfortable around, the ones we're willing to bear our soul to, we should be guaranteed the utmost level of trust and respect, and an acceptance free of judgement. So yeah I guess unless we unwittingly (or wittingly, which is a scary thought), surround ourselves with people who are unable to accept us for who we are, things should be fine.
Recently my life's been a complete blur and there's been non-stop action from say the last 2 weeks of school all the way up till now, also some things have progressed at breakneck speed and I've only just been able to construe meaning out of it all and reconcile some thoughts of mine. I guess there're a lot of things I would've liked to do but maybe I'm not good enough at interpreting signs sometimes and extremely fearful of getting them wrong - when the stakes are high and losing is unthinkable. Though in any case everything worked out fine so no complaints here. heh.
We all deserve happiness in our lives, and well sometimes it finds us and at other times we have to chase after it. One thing's for sure though, it's that we have to work hard to keep it, and we can never afford to take things for granted.
I think I've mentioned this before (and probably so because it truly does fascinate me), one of the things that interests me the most is the way human relationships work, I guess because it's one of the biggest things in life to consider and think about, and it's very worthwhile understanding. Anyway I digress for a bit here, and try to answer the question what constitutes meaningful conversation? or at least what constitutes conversation material that isn't banal or pointless? I realise that in conversations with many people common talking points include what's going on in school and how things work but I know that my life doesn't lie entirely in school yet it's the one thing that I talk to people most about (okay maybe not so but yeah), and I've always wondered whether we're making meaningful conversation or not. At times it really irks me because I qualify friendships by the quality of conversation, or rather quality of time spent and sometimes I really don't know what to make of things (hope I've been making sense so far). However is there anything really wrong with that for as students this is our life and hence what we're most involved in, therefore our experiences would revolve around it?
I guess it just seems very saddening (to me at least) that I can only reach out to school as a topic of conversation when I really want more out of life - but that will have to wait I guess. Okay moving on, I think where we are now, is an exciting period, where we are truly on the cusp of exchanging the trivialities (lol) of school for more grown-up responsibilities. 16 going on 17, and 17 going on 18, is also the law and country telling us that we're ready to make our own choices, as well as own up to them. Mixing genders excites most people and I can understand why, after all we're creatures who crave companionship and the concept and feeling of it is an exciting prospect as we go about our new experiences. I guess the biggest consideration is are we ready for all of this, to what extent are we able to go out into uncharted territory without completely losing ourselves?
I think something to keep anyone grounded is the though of friends first, before anything else, and there's really nothing that should get in the way of that (however idealistic). Take experiences as they come and don't over think things, do whatever makes you happy, and never give up I guess. All this might come across weirdly, perhaps I should rethink, rewrite, but I'm far too lazy for all that.
(another futile attempt at 1 minute poetry)
You told me that
words never lose their meaning
but do you ever forget
if you never say them again
Hello I.g.,
sorry this probably isn't the reply you've been dying to see but I'll write more by tonight/tomorrow I promise haha anyway I'm a Sage soul, which does fit pretty well I guess (but it was a v short 4 question survey). Sometimes though I really prefer quite time to myself and this extroversion that people get from me only comes from a feeling of comfort, from knowing my surroundings. It's very important for me to feel like I have a good grasp over the crowd dynamics before I can really stand up and say something, and if I feel too out of place I tend to just sit and watch things pass me by. But this I'm sure you can relate to also, we're all really most comfortable in our comfort zones (be what they may), and we'd all like to be comfortable wherever we are.
You asked whether regret is the sole reason for grief, and I suppose if you think about it long and hard enough you can tie any feeling back to that of regret. We grieve because we regret not doing something we could've that would make coping easier and true, why not. Though just because you can link things back to grief, doesn't mean that's where the thought process starts (if you get what I mean). You could very well grieve over some seemingly uncontrollable circumstance, then later come to realise that it could've been prevented by more careful planning (or something like that) - essentially thought processes aren't the absolute starts nor absolute ends, and however you wish to extrapolate on them and where you choose to end/start will result in whatever you want them to be. I suppose lack of confidence could be a reason for grief, a lack of faith in whatever we do in life can possibly make us weaker people - but this also can be linked back to regret, regret of never trying things. This in turn can be linked to a lack of confidence because we only regret because we have said shortcoming. It goes on and on really.
Hope I made some sense there, but interesting prompt nonetheless and I'm looking forward to hearing from you again :-) send in whatever you like, whenever you like!
Phuket Thoughts
Friday, June 13, 2014
My thoughts are strewn across the floor like a splatter pattern from the death of several emotions I have ceased to use and feel. But that's not entirely true because I don't suppose we ever stop feeling and if blissful perfection should ever cease to exist everything will crash back, not gradually but like a giant tidal wave. In any case now isn't the time or place for melancholy, and it shall be shelved away till a time when it is needed.
Do you ever feel like honesty isn't always the best policy? Though before that as a person that struggles with issues of insecurity (as do we all) I think one of the best things in the world is to wholeheartedly trust and be honest with others, or at least one person (and that person would be enough). To be willing and able to share absolutely everything, leave no secret kept, questions unanswered, or story untold. That is one of the peaks of perfection. Anyway, do you ever feel that sometimes we cling onto the notion that honesty is the best policy when in fact it is insidiously ruining or relationships, but on the flip side of this veneer of truth is a happy utopia.
I thought about this in a moment of seemingly brilliant deduction with regards to the dynamics of human interaction but on second thought the world doesn't have to be so nihilistic (or cynical), and with the people we're comfortable around, the ones we're willing to bear our soul to, we should be guaranteed the utmost level of trust and respect, and an acceptance free of judgement. So yeah I guess unless we unwittingly (or wittingly, which is a scary thought), surround ourselves with people who are unable to accept us for who we are, things should be fine.
Recently my life's been a complete blur and there's been non-stop action from say the last 2 weeks of school all the way up till now, also some things have progressed at breakneck speed and I've only just been able to construe meaning out of it all and reconcile some thoughts of mine. I guess there're a lot of things I would've liked to do but maybe I'm not good enough at interpreting signs sometimes and extremely fearful of getting them wrong - when the stakes are high and losing is unthinkable. Though in any case everything worked out fine so no complaints here. heh.
We all deserve happiness in our lives, and well sometimes it finds us and at other times we have to chase after it. One thing's for sure though, it's that we have to work hard to keep it, and we can never afford to take things for granted.
I think I've mentioned this before (and probably so because it truly does fascinate me), one of the things that interests me the most is the way human relationships work, I guess because it's one of the biggest things in life to consider and think about, and it's very worthwhile understanding. Anyway I digress for a bit here, and try to answer the question what constitutes meaningful conversation? or at least what constitutes conversation material that isn't banal or pointless? I realise that in conversations with many people common talking points include what's going on in school and how things work but I know that my life doesn't lie entirely in school yet it's the one thing that I talk to people most about (okay maybe not so but yeah), and I've always wondered whether we're making meaningful conversation or not. At times it really irks me because I qualify friendships by the quality of conversation, or rather quality of time spent and sometimes I really don't know what to make of things (hope I've been making sense so far). However is there anything really wrong with that for as students this is our life and hence what we're most involved in, therefore our experiences would revolve around it?
I guess it just seems very saddening (to me at least) that I can only reach out to school as a topic of conversation when I really want more out of life - but that will have to wait I guess. Okay moving on, I think where we are now, is an exciting period, where we are truly on the cusp of exchanging the trivialities (lol) of school for more grown-up responsibilities. 16 going on 17, and 17 going on 18, is also the law and country telling us that we're ready to make our own choices, as well as own up to them. Mixing genders excites most people and I can understand why, after all we're creatures who crave companionship and the concept and feeling of it is an exciting prospect as we go about our new experiences. I guess the biggest consideration is are we ready for all of this, to what extent are we able to go out into uncharted territory without completely losing ourselves?
I think something to keep anyone grounded is the though of friends first, before anything else, and there's really nothing that should get in the way of that (however idealistic). Take experiences as they come and don't over think things, do whatever makes you happy, and never give up I guess. All this might come across weirdly, perhaps I should rethink, rewrite, but I'm far too lazy for all that.
(another futile attempt at 1 minute poetry)
You told me that
words never lose their meaning
but do you ever forget
if you never say them again
Hello I.g.,
sorry this probably isn't the reply you've been dying to see but I'll write more by tonight/tomorrow I promise haha anyway I'm a Sage soul, which does fit pretty well I guess (but it was a v short 4 question survey). Sometimes though I really prefer quite time to myself and this extroversion that people get from me only comes from a feeling of comfort, from knowing my surroundings. It's very important for me to feel like I have a good grasp over the crowd dynamics before I can really stand up and say something, and if I feel too out of place I tend to just sit and watch things pass me by. But this I'm sure you can relate to also, we're all really most comfortable in our comfort zones (be what they may), and we'd all like to be comfortable wherever we are.
You asked whether regret is the sole reason for grief, and I suppose if you think about it long and hard enough you can tie any feeling back to that of regret. We grieve because we regret not doing something we could've that would make coping easier and true, why not. Though just because you can link things back to grief, doesn't mean that's where the thought process starts (if you get what I mean). You could very well grieve over some seemingly uncontrollable circumstance, then later come to realise that it could've been prevented by more careful planning (or something like that) - essentially thought processes aren't the absolute starts nor absolute ends, and however you wish to extrapolate on them and where you choose to end/start will result in whatever you want them to be. I suppose lack of confidence could be a reason for grief, a lack of faith in whatever we do in life can possibly make us weaker people - but this also can be linked back to regret, regret of never trying things. This in turn can be linked to a lack of confidence because we only regret because we have said shortcoming. It goes on and on really.
Hope I made some sense there, but interesting prompt nonetheless and I'm looking forward to hearing from you again :-) send in whatever you like, whenever you like!
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Kay Han
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