School & Melancholy
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Been a couple of days since POP, now school's begun and things are steadily mounting, though nothing, I imagine so, compared to what we'll face in the terms to come. On some levels it's unnerving how for geog we have such little content to study with a dearth of notes, or at least seemingly so in comparison with the rest of the college geog population. It would be somewhat more comforting to be presented with a clear outline of what to do and a plan to adhere to but that's not what I've signed up for so it's all okay. The whole more hands-off and relaxed environment leaves it up to me as to what I want to make of it all and I'm hoping that as the weeks wear on I'll find a comfortable groove where I can do well and enjoy myself too. Anyway to follow my previous experiences in chronological order (or something similar), here we go:
POP: Nice to know I'm part of a family, a faculty that believes in the same things that I do - that it's not so much about winning than about having fun (though I really would've liked to win). Good thing about the lights was that there was one for each faculty (except for ourselves - which could be a testament to our selflessness or maybe yellow lights just don't exist (which would be a horrible tragedy)), and it was nice that we cheered everyone during their dances. Admittedly our dance moves weren't as "cool" as those of Ares but we danced with pride and had fun with our lights (which was an extremely novel idea and possible might've tipped the scales in our favour but oh well - next year we shall see how POP goes).
Back on to orientation, because I said I'd follow up and so I will (realised that I use "I'll get back to this" a lot as a convenient excuse to skip something guilt free). Glad to have made all the friends that I did, those from my OG and those from OG experiences. It's an impossibility to be able to be close to every single person in any group, and almost a certainty that some friends will be transient and others lasting. Anyhow it's really currency that determines the state of friendships and sets a clear precedence for future activities (or at least for developing friendships - so hey I was right). For the people that I'm closer to it's been a real joy to have spent time with them, to hang out together and talk about stupid stuff (and then some) and pretty much bond together as friends. I guess what with everything else going on in my life it's something I can tick off my list that's going in the right direction, that I can depend on to feel secure...
...which brings me on to my seamless transition into the more pessimistic aspects of life. On many counts I'd say that this journey into JC life hasn't started out as well as I'd have hoped it to - in many areas I've been met with solid walls of resistance which leads me to wonder whether I'm just going through the motions of an exercise in futility. I guess all that mounts and builds up to create this impenetrable barrier of nonchalance and the inability to overcome the inertia of sadness.
Another fact I realised is that I rely heavily on emotional connections in life and in the absence of such it compounds all problems. It's hard to live with principles of selflessness when life gives you a real bite of reality but I guess it's at these times when we really define ourselves and discover our fundamentals - whether we can really be who we say we are. There's this notion about not spreading oneself too thin and I guess I really don't want to do that.
Trying to get something out right now but words fail me and-
The end of the beginning
Your favourite fruit, lovingly
represented in the curvature of a
heart. Though once bitten
fills with a taste sweet yet unbearable.
The knowledge which I currently
understand, reveals fear, shock and
nakedness. I stare aghast, taking
six-and-a-half steps back
into the foliage. Covered now,
though not fully - you made an effort
but not I, I did not, not really. Now,
would things never, not ever, be the same again?
I guess this current state of mind represents an amalgamation of unknowns and a jumbled up mixture of uncertainty and the inability to express oneself. I know what I want at the same time I don't because I don't know if it's what I really want nor really do I have any means or plan in mind.
Anyway I'm not a big fan of poetry writing, which is probably evident from the lack of consistency, roughness and arbitrariness of the poem. Plus whatever reference is contained in it is very specific and without proper context whatever meaning construed would be slightly similar but not exactly there (though I'm sure the very basic concept/ outline of the meaning can be derived rather easily) (kind of like the journals of Susanna Moodie without having being treated to 2 hours of her life in the form of a documentary). That being said if there's any feedback I'd be glad to hear it (tear it apart if you really want to), heck even guesses at what it all means if you want (all greatly appreciated).
(and I'll be sure to come up with a reply to my form ASAP, when I can really get down to writing something substantial - hope you're still on here though)
School & Melancholy
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Been a couple of days since POP, now school's begun and things are steadily mounting, though nothing, I imagine so, compared to what we'll face in the terms to come. On some levels it's unnerving how for geog we have such little content to study with a dearth of notes, or at least seemingly so in comparison with the rest of the college geog population. It would be somewhat more comforting to be presented with a clear outline of what to do and a plan to adhere to but that's not what I've signed up for so it's all okay. The whole more hands-off and relaxed environment leaves it up to me as to what I want to make of it all and I'm hoping that as the weeks wear on I'll find a comfortable groove where I can do well and enjoy myself too. Anyway to follow my previous experiences in chronological order (or something similar), here we go:
POP: Nice to know I'm part of a family, a faculty that believes in the same things that I do - that it's not so much about winning than about having fun (though I really would've liked to win). Good thing about the lights was that there was one for each faculty (except for ourselves - which could be a testament to our selflessness or maybe yellow lights just don't exist (which would be a horrible tragedy)), and it was nice that we cheered everyone during their dances. Admittedly our dance moves weren't as "cool" as those of Ares but we danced with pride and had fun with our lights (which was an extremely novel idea and possible might've tipped the scales in our favour but oh well - next year we shall see how POP goes).
Back on to orientation, because I said I'd follow up and so I will (realised that I use "I'll get back to this" a lot as a convenient excuse to skip something guilt free). Glad to have made all the friends that I did, those from my OG and those from OG experiences. It's an impossibility to be able to be close to every single person in any group, and almost a certainty that some friends will be transient and others lasting. Anyhow it's really currency that determines the state of friendships and sets a clear precedence for future activities (or at least for developing friendships - so hey I was right). For the people that I'm closer to it's been a real joy to have spent time with them, to hang out together and talk about stupid stuff (and then some) and pretty much bond together as friends. I guess what with everything else going on in my life it's something I can tick off my list that's going in the right direction, that I can depend on to feel secure...
...which brings me on to my seamless transition into the more pessimistic aspects of life. On many counts I'd say that this journey into JC life hasn't started out as well as I'd have hoped it to - in many areas I've been met with solid walls of resistance which leads me to wonder whether I'm just going through the motions of an exercise in futility. I guess all that mounts and builds up to create this impenetrable barrier of nonchalance and the inability to overcome the inertia of sadness.
Another fact I realised is that I rely heavily on emotional connections in life and in the absence of such it compounds all problems. It's hard to live with principles of selflessness when life gives you a real bite of reality but I guess it's at these times when we really define ourselves and discover our fundamentals - whether we can really be who we say we are. There's this notion about not spreading oneself too thin and I guess I really don't want to do that.
Trying to get something out right now but words fail me and-
The end of the beginning
Your favourite fruit, lovingly
represented in the curvature of a
heart. Though once bitten
fills with a taste sweet yet unbearable.
The knowledge which I currently
understand, reveals fear, shock and
nakedness. I stare aghast, taking
six-and-a-half steps back
into the foliage. Covered now,
though not fully - you made an effort
but not I, I did not, not really. Now,
would things never, not ever, be the same again?
I guess this current state of mind represents an amalgamation of unknowns and a jumbled up mixture of uncertainty and the inability to express oneself. I know what I want at the same time I don't because I don't know if it's what I really want nor really do I have any means or plan in mind.
Anyway I'm not a big fan of poetry writing, which is probably evident from the lack of consistency, roughness and arbitrariness of the poem. Plus whatever reference is contained in it is very specific and without proper context whatever meaning construed would be slightly similar but not exactly there (though I'm sure the very basic concept/ outline of the meaning can be derived rather easily) (kind of like the journals of Susanna Moodie without having being treated to 2 hours of her life in the form of a documentary). That being said if there's any feedback I'd be glad to hear it (tear it apart if you really want to), heck even guesses at what it all means if you want (all greatly appreciated).
(and I'll be sure to come up with a reply to my form ASAP, when I can really get down to writing something substantial - hope you're still on here though)
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Kay Han
21
I like writing, though I can't say that I'm terribly good at it
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