life in summary
Monday, May 19, 2014
Well it's been a while since I've last updated, or maybe it really hasn't been so long but the past few weeks have been packed beyond belief, and for one of the rare few times in life I find myself stretched close to my limits (though I believe they can be exceeded, but circumstances do not yet require me to).
I know when I look back to this moment a year from now, I'll reminisce and be grateful for whatever I've written because I'll want to see how much I've changed since then.
Coming into JC, I had my mind set on joining council and as a fail-safe I wanted to join frisbee first (heck I had wanted to juggle both but on second thought it would've been near impossible). I love sports and I love playing frisbee, it's the running and jumping around, catching and throwing that is so incredibly exhilarating - the faint whizzing as the disc zips towards you, a split-second reaction as you snatch it out of the air. Couldn't make the team though, on the basis that I was running for council (and in all fairness no one who was running for council got in - for guys that its) and so I hopped over to HACAS and Geog Soc (<3). Would be fun if I could play frisbee though, but now that the team has been training hard I doubt I'd compare as well with them as I did before haha
By the way Geog Soc is a wonderful CCA, and we have this competition "The more we get together" about trying to get the replacement rate back up to a healthy 2.1 through various publicity methods!! If you're interested do take part - there're many well designed posters around school ;-))
I was very grateful that the council campaign period lasted a mere 4 days, pulling through each and every day was a struggle with already fraught insecurities, and my campaign wasn't particularly spectacular (save for the banner). Every day brought new encouragement, and also somewhat fresh word of opinions of myself - which I clearly had to try very hard to rectify. All the same I think IOC and Q&A both went pretty well, the whole public speaking thing was a lot less stressful than I had anticipated. Again thanks to all who voted me in, I'll make sure that you all didn't make the wrong choice~
For reasons of secrecy I shall only scrape the top of the iceberg with council camp, but suffice it to say it was arduous for us as a new 41st, and it served a great purpose in bringing to light whatever collective flaws we had as well as a better understanding of some of the individuals we had in our batch. It was a long 3 days but I'm glad that no one gave up and we stuck together.
To me I know that at that point of time it came as little surprise to me that I received a nomination for president, though I'm really not sure who it was that nominated me - still very curious to find out (on a side note Apollo took up like 9/14 of the nominations ;))). Anyway, all ready to reject the nomination, along with the first wave of people we turned down the nomination, and we were rejected, told that we had to believe in our own ability and place the interests of the school above our own. Long story short, being the extremely indecisive being that I am, I was left standing all by myself as everyone else either accepted or rejected, I made a short impassioned speech on my thoughts and motivations, added in some faggy stuff, and accepted.
Even though initially it wasn't something that I wanted, it was a thought (a dream) that I had entertained many times, back in high school and again in JC. I guess I liked the idea of being the president, to take charge of council and really manage how I wanted to and how I could, in what I felt would be the best interests of everyone. Maybe a small irrational part lay in the fact that elder Kay is ACS(I)'s VP and it would be cool to have 2 presidents in the family (but for those of you who might be worrying this is more a joke than anything else HAHA). I chose not to run back in high school, and gave up that opportunity. I guess I didn't want to deny myself the chance to really see how far I could take myself and gain some experience along the way.
I hadn't expected to be part of the top 4, partly because the top 3 slots were more or less decided already, which left me vying for the last spot with several other very capable individuals. The Q&A went a lot better than I had expected though, and I guess I'm quite proud of myself that it's in these situations that I can really establish myself - when all of us were equally unprepared for the questions that came our way. Anyway so the session closed with 4 of us chosen to run for president - it was time to have some fun.
The week flew past really, 3 speeches, 2 Q&A sessions, and voting. I'd say my favourite part of it all was the C1 Q&A session, it went a lot better than I'd expected, I received an insane number of notes, and I had the opportunity to answer a few particularly interesting questions. Since coming into JC there've been many new things to deal with, things that back in high school didn't really matter so much but new situations bring with them new challenges (I'll go more into this later). Perception is a very important thing, whether I liked it or not, being in my position, wanting the things that I wanted, I knew something had to be done about it - still not very sure as to how to go about doing it though :p Anyway the most interesting question was that on reputation, which I hope I answered well enough heh.
(really not enough space for all the notes but this is one of the more pleasant ones)
I gathered that the first speech was received rather badly, and I concluded that I was trying to hard to try and be myself that I misinterpreted my strengths and in the process mangled the whole thing. I thought the delivery was executed well but apparently not and it made me sad that how I wanted to say it, what I truly felt, wasn't being brought across. This point I will carry on with me for a long, long time.
So that endeavour ended with Danyon and Sue Yu as our new presidents (full faith in them), and I wouldn't say that it ended in failure because I don't believe it did. I guess I ran with almost complete certainty that I wouldn't get it, but I tried my best anyway and from the experience gained some important takeaways.
I had partial confidence in myself when running for ECACO head but far less sure if I wanted it or not. In my council application I indicated Fac Head/President as first choice then PubCo Chair as second, the second choice got ruled out after a while because I didn't want to spend the next year or so doing technical work and graphic design. Ended up running for the first, and didn't get, and in between presidential and fac head elections came standing-comm elections. I guess I wanted ECACO head because it seemed like it would fit me, out of all the other comm chair positions, and for mere fact that I wanted to be part of the exco, and head my own committee. Halfway through the ECACO head elections I realised that I was completely unsure of whether I wanted it or not, and in the end I was rather dismayed at not getting it, I guess the feeling of not-being-good-enough is a pretty devastating one, but losing opened up the opportunity to run for what I had wanted most.
I'm the kind of person that likes to have decisions made for me, though I've never really wondered why I'd say it's because I'm afraid to bear the consequences of my own decisions. Which is a scary thought really. Anyway, part of the beauty of failure is that it leaves us with no basis of comparison and fresh slate to begin a new journey - provided we choose to embrace change with open arms.
My perspective is moderated by my eventual success that's for sure, by my overwhelming elatedness over getting what I really wanted, and so my perspectives are by far easier said than done, but in the moments of uncertainty that I faced I held on to the hope that something better would come. And hope is a powerful thing, to have something to look forward to, to edge closer towards, will make the days less harsh, the pangs less sharp, and the soul less dry.
A week later (thereabouts) came Fac Head elections, and really it was all I had left - I knew that without this I'd probably crash, dive into a slump maybe - the thought frightens me. As a realist I doubted my chances, but my friends were kind enough to encourage, though some might say the kinder ones concurred (but the two aren't mutually exclusive). On the day itself I told myself that I wasn't going to step off the stage regretting the things I didn't do, that even if I failed it was not because I didn't try my best but rather because the others were truly better and more deserving.
I guess I'm really just very grateful for the hope and trust that others have put in me to be myself, and better, to lead this faculty and lead them, and make things better - or at the very least continue this legacy.
(elections: part 2)
(elections: part 4)
From it all, I've gathered a good many points worth mulling over and expounding on, though I don't have the time for all now. 1) Keep the promises - don't forget the people 2) Keep your friends close - treat them nicely, always 3) If you're running for public office (in a manner of speaking) - public opinions matter; you cannot perpetuate the opinion that what others think about you is irrelevant 4) Never give up on yourself - be positive, always 5) Always try to make decisions in the best interests of others - you're not here to make the popular choices
The past few weeks have undoubtedly been tough and extremely tiring, haven't been home early in the past 21 days or so (every day ends at 8+ 9+??? some nights 10++), Sundays fortunately are rest days and last Sunday I crashed till 2.30pm, kinda shocking too - sleep deprivation is cumulative.
Okay this is more of a factual recount than anything else, haven't much time to give things thorough thought and analysis. Started reading Kant's groundwork on the metaphysics of morals though, hopefully I'll make good headway by the next time this comes around.
//
Hello I.g.,
This comes a little late but the past few weeks have been pretty crazy, the ones to come will be no exception :p
Blogged in the afternoon partially because I wanted to reply and also because I had conflicted thoughts I felt were best addressed by laying them out clearly. True, not many people blog nowadays or even very regularly for that matter so it's hard to find blogs which offer good good for thought, or just an interesting read (thought catalog is interesting too, though at times if only to laugh at for the obvious disregard for common sense). Personal blogs are fine haha but that's only if you know the person (?) if not you'll lack context or interest. Yes elder Kay's blog makes for a rather good read even if he hasn't updated in long, his writing and thought processes are v good (and he does excellently in school which is also due to all the time he spends on schoolwork). Please do help me with research haha I want to read more interesting blogs :)
Whatever are nicomachean ethics (I'm probably not as well read as I'd like to be)? I just got a book on Kant's groundwork on the metaphysics of morals been looking to read up on Kantian philosophy for the longest time glad to have gotten the book (with ASEAN quiz prize money) but sadly haven't started it yet. (Okay you can keep your identity a secret I've no qualms with that ;-))
As to KI and math or H1 math and KI, I wanted to take a humanities I guess I felt studying a content heavy subject would be an experience (though not much of a reason right) and I love geography so I took it :) mainly a fear of KI though but if I could take KI and geog as well as econs I would hahaha.
Thanks for the magazine recommendation but haven't actually gone to get a copy yet, haven't been out of the house on my own a lot recently, once or twice in the past month or two - school is getting much, much busier. Uhh 繁體字 isn't my cup of tea HAHA in fact right now even 简体字 is getting the better of me so I might have to take it really, really slow heh. The part about "protests" seems rather interesting though, thoughts of the sunflower student movement came to mind when I read what you wrote (you seem interested in all this defacing of public property is this a bad sign HAHA)
GP...is very special in HP - right now we've moved on to globalisation (after finishing media studies, which was very, very interesting), but we don't do much really just sit in the LT and talk about stuff, do a bit of work now and then and talk some more really. The content itself is okay, globalisation isn't particularly interesting but I'm looking forward to gender studies. On that note I consider myself a bit of a feminist (even wrote a paper promoting women's rights) but believing in something also comes with the constraints of reality hence the whole thing is very conflicted.
I wanted to watch The Grand Budapest Hotel but it was M18 so didn't get a chance to catch that in cinemas but I watched divergent instead and I thought it was pretty good HAHA (haven't read the book though which might explain why).
This comes a little late but the past few weeks have been pretty crazy, the ones to come will be no exception :p
Blogged in the afternoon partially because I wanted to reply and also because I had conflicted thoughts I felt were best addressed by laying them out clearly. True, not many people blog nowadays or even very regularly for that matter so it's hard to find blogs which offer good good for thought, or just an interesting read (thought catalog is interesting too, though at times if only to laugh at for the obvious disregard for common sense). Personal blogs are fine haha but that's only if you know the person (?) if not you'll lack context or interest. Yes elder Kay's blog makes for a rather good read even if he hasn't updated in long, his writing and thought processes are v good (and he does excellently in school which is also due to all the time he spends on schoolwork). Please do help me with research haha I want to read more interesting blogs :)
Whatever are nicomachean ethics (I'm probably not as well read as I'd like to be)? I just got a book on Kant's groundwork on the metaphysics of morals been looking to read up on Kantian philosophy for the longest time glad to have gotten the book (with ASEAN quiz prize money) but sadly haven't started it yet. (Okay you can keep your identity a secret I've no qualms with that ;-))
As to KI and math or H1 math and KI, I wanted to take a humanities I guess I felt studying a content heavy subject would be an experience (though not much of a reason right) and I love geography so I took it :) mainly a fear of KI though but if I could take KI and geog as well as econs I would hahaha.
Thanks for the magazine recommendation but haven't actually gone to get a copy yet, haven't been out of the house on my own a lot recently, once or twice in the past month or two - school is getting much, much busier. Uhh 繁體字 isn't my cup of tea HAHA in fact right now even 简体字 is getting the better of me so I might have to take it really, really slow heh. The part about "protests" seems rather interesting though, thoughts of the sunflower student movement came to mind when I read what you wrote (you seem interested in all this defacing of public property is this a bad sign HAHA)
GP...is very special in HP - right now we've moved on to globalisation (after finishing media studies, which was very, very interesting), but we don't do much really just sit in the LT and talk about stuff, do a bit of work now and then and talk some more really. The content itself is okay, globalisation isn't particularly interesting but I'm looking forward to gender studies. On that note I consider myself a bit of a feminist (even wrote a paper promoting women's rights) but believing in something also comes with the constraints of reality hence the whole thing is very conflicted.
I wanted to watch The Grand Budapest Hotel but it was M18 so didn't get a chance to catch that in cinemas but I watched divergent instead and I thought it was pretty good HAHA (haven't read the book though which might explain why).
(I've always wondered if you save your responses so you can follow what I'm saying cos I think it's quite hard to understand without context haha)
As to my impression of you...you come across as a rather interesting person (the fact that you read philosophy among other things is, to me, very impressive), and you think about things which I consider a good thing - I guess it means that understanding people and circumstance is important.
The fact that you bother to read what I have to say and respond is very nice already haha I have to say it's a pleasant reason to blog, and engaging in conversation is, I feel, one of the finer pleasures in life so this I enjoy :) plus you put up with my gross reply timings which is a big bonus heh. If you do reply to this a big thank you from the depths of my heart hahaha.
As to my impression of you...you come across as a rather interesting person (the fact that you read philosophy among other things is, to me, very impressive), and you think about things which I consider a good thing - I guess it means that understanding people and circumstance is important.
The fact that you bother to read what I have to say and respond is very nice already haha I have to say it's a pleasant reason to blog, and engaging in conversation is, I feel, one of the finer pleasures in life so this I enjoy :) plus you put up with my gross reply timings which is a big bonus heh. If you do reply to this a big thank you from the depths of my heart hahaha.
You go around visiting museums I mean who does that nowadays - I'd like to but I'm not good at spending time wisely -, it's great and more people should do it haha I mean it seems more enriching to visit a museum than watch a movie (though the latter is more interesting - though that then is a matter of perspective because one would have to find a museum interesting to visit it).
I think you're a pretty self-aware person, you understand how and why certain things work and try to find ways in which we can shape our lives to be how we want them to be. Which is a great thing because we can well and truly try and make our lives better if we want to :-)
I'm really not very good at critically evaluating things (if I haven't already mentioned this before) so I'm sorry if I don't give a very good response heh but I've since tried to describe people as more than just "nice" which I usually tend to do.
It's really okay to send in whatever you want whenever you want haha (a lot of responses is okay) and plus it's really nice to read because sometimes I really can't find time to reply, but I really want to and reading new stuff makes me happy (heh). Thanks for the encouragement, and I did laugh when I read it (it was v funny) :-))
Okay this is long overdue and I hope you reply, wishing you all the best in whatever you're doing now!
