recent thoughts
Sunday, May 21, 2017
Recently got a response from the google form, very pleasantly surprised to find that someone has still been coming by now and again to see if things have been posted - still have no idea who you are (I.g. I assume...?), and if you ever want to let me know you can :-) Hope you're doing well too!
Anyway, been thinking about quite a few things recently (not that I don't usually think about things), things that I've been meaning to write about and post. Being in the army kind of slows life down, everything outside seems to carry on without you - but could also be because I think I'm becoming more and more reclusive for some reason...but not too sure. Shall see how that goes - maybe just tired after spending the whole week in camp/outfield haha.
Applied for a PSC again this year, but sadly wasn't offered anything. One good thing from it all was having to write an essay on the question - what is one event that has changed you? Which gave me the impetus to think about what has significantly impacted me in my life - I mean I'd like to believe that who I am is some mishmash of different experiences, rather than the product of any spectacularly profound moment. But having to think about this naturally surfaced some important moments in my life, from which I decided on one particular incident during my time in OCS.
Other considerations for the essay were my experience as a faculty head (too general I felt), my experience in OCS (again, too general), my rather revelatory end of year in 2013 (too general, too abstract). Some of which I will talk about.
Anyway, for reasons of laziness I shall just dump the entire essay here (ok originally intended to copy paste, but to make things neater - plus it was already up): https://tinyurl.com/llc9aj3
Spent a while looking at my blog layout, haven't changed it since sec 1 I think, which is really quite a long time ago (come to terms recently that I am quite circumlocutory, which seems like a bad thing...). Quite a few things are outdated, which I may change soon, or just leave as digital artifacts. Was looking at the people section of the blog, which is sub-headed as "the list", which (not sure if I've mentioned before) is my way of classifying friends whom I've deemed important enough to keep, and incidentally the same list of people I'll invite to my Christmas party and write cards for/give presents to.
2013 was a great year because I had a lot of time to reflect and think towards the end, and met many new people, some of whom I've still remained friends with up till now. It was also the year I really decided to take stock of my friendships and finally host the christmas party I'd been thinking about for so long; when I resolved to be fully and unabashedly appreciative of people around me. (Or maybe I'm putting too much on what someone said to me for the sake of wanting to have a "profound moment" - devil's advocate?) Anyway, of the people I put up, a few of them I don't talk to as regularly anymore, some I've drifted away from, and some others whom we naturally don't talk as often but are still close but of whom I'm not terribly sure anymore, whether they've moved on and prioritised other people or not. (convoluted sentence, lazy to re-read). Point being, that some of them I'll take off, and some I'm not sure - which is sad I guess, for what we used to have, and not having it anymore. On the other hand, I'm glad to say that there're some people I've met whom I can add to the list.
Anyway messy thoughts, will add on more when I have the time - or just dump it out unvarnished (and untarnished ha ha ha).
